I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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