Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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