The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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