he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
