were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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