I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We need a shit load of segways right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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