dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
