my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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