Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so let's talk penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
