Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
