Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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