i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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