Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
