Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
