I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
