Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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