I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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