just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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