ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.