I just cut my nipple shaving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
seriously i just wanna be friends
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES