You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well