It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
