i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
