Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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