i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
