I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You are the jesus of drinking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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