I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
