I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
