it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
