just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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