Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize