Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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