i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The air taste purple.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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