Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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