My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
