I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
