I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
