i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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