she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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