Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
