some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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