Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He passed out mid-signature
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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