i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
