TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
