I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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