wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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