Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
