i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
