I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
