I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
