I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
vagina is talking i cant
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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