If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize