see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's paint friendship bongs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
