I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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