you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
