**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this hospital has no fireball
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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