he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
