I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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