i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
