You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
