Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
