yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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