We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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