I showed him my bush... on skype.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
