I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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