I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
