NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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