Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
