girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
