Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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