Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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