put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
