Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
