areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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