I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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