remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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