Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
