I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
