i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
