last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Girls should come with a carfax report
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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