New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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