Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
