If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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