Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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