I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he fucked my hip out of place.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
