Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do vagina's smell?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
